Dear Abby: My boyfriend’s ex-wife is too close for comfort – I want him to put me first

Dear ABBY: I’ve been watching “Pete” for eight months. He has been divorced for the past 15 years. He has two grown children and five grandchildren with his ex-wife, “Linda,” who is still an important person in Pete’s life. They text all day and enjoy doing things with Linda’s husband.

Pete will soon have major surgery. He has informed me that his daughter and Linda will be in the hospital and only two guests are allowed per patient. I’ve tried to explain to him that I’m not comfortable with Linda being such an important person in his life and it hurts that he doesn’t include me in their outings. He takes it back and asks me what I want him to do about it. He says it’s my problem, not his.

I care about Pete, but I’m getting fed up. So do I throw in the towel or stick it out, hoping he’ll see my side of the story? – LOCATED IN THE MIDWEST

Dear Trivial: Because Pete thinks accepting his priorities is your problem, not his, he’s unlikely to EVER accept your point of view. The problem seems to be that he doesn’t consider you a couple and because he doesn’t, his family doesn’t. You should have already been involved in those “outings” with Linda and her husband.

Nowhere in your letter did you mention any of the sweet, caring and considerate things Pete does for you. Because of this, and because (after eight months) he has failed to carve out a place on his hospital visitors’ list, it may, indeed, be time to ditch.

Dear ABBY: My grown daughters often ask me to watch the grandchildren. One girl lives two hours away, the other here in my town. I don’t mind weekends and days off, but the bar has now asked me to stay at her house on Sunday nights and help her with the baby in the morning.

I work full-time in an extremely demanding job, which she insists is “simple”. When I wake up in the morning I have to get ready for work, eat breakfast and start at 8 am Her request that I stay Sunday night turned into me feeding the baby in the morning so I told her that’s too much . working days. Now she is angry with me, and I am very depressed about it.

I am 68 years old. I went back to work at age 60 because a change in my husband’s industry severely reduced his income. She doesn’t seem to understand why this is too much for me. As for me, I can’t understand why she would expect this from me on a working day. My job requires me to drop what I’m doing sometimes and travel immediately to address an issue. Please advise. – WANTED IN ALABAMA

DEAR IN REQUEST: Caring for a small child is a favor; it is not mandatory, even if the child is a grandchild. Your only mistake was that you agreed to stay up on Sunday night instead of getting a good night’s rest in your bed to prepare for the work week. At your age, you need to protect your health. That’s why it’s so important to stop letting your daughter make you feel guilty about not having a Sunday night sleepover.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.